Once upon a time...

Spanked as a child?

Very rarely! If I had been exceptionally misbehaved, my mother would grab arm, turn me around and administer a single hard swat on my backside while she lectured me. That's it! No canings, no standing in the corner, no being spanked repeatedly until I cried, no use of implements and no clear rules of when a spanking was earned.

I guess I could call my mother the surprise-attack kind of spanker. Sometimes she would let me get away with anything, sometimes she would get very angry at me and send me to my room, sometimes she would threaten me by saying that I would get spanked but without doing anything about it, sometimes she would just laugh at me when I charmed my way out of the trouble and of course, SOMETIMES she grab me by surprise and swat me. It did the trick... I did cry when she ambushed me that way, but mostly out of surprise.

It has happened so rarely that I can only remember a very few times and when I was spanked, it was in no way a "sexual" experience for me (thank God)!

However, I must have sexualised spankings at some point anyway. Whether it has to do with those very very very few spankings or something else entirely, I do not know. I grew up in a very loving family and I adore both of my parents, so there is absolutely no traumatic cliché-happenings there.

Does it matter where this obsession came from?

Not unless it becomes a problem or if it is something that you are unhappy about, in my point of view. I LOVE my sexuality and I LOVE spankings. I intend to enjoy this "hobby" of mine to the fullest without giving a rat's behind about where it came from.

When did my spankingfetish start?

Waaaay back when I was little. I remember playing spanking with my dolls and teddybears... Even back then I knew it was something I should "keep to myself", something that was naughty and something that tickled my fancy pleasantly when I played my little secret games. Thus, it was always something I did behind closed doors and I never involved my friends in these games either as I somehow knew it was taboo.

Later on, the fantasies became more and more elaborate and I made up entire story lines and little worlds in my mind. I could often spend hours on my own thinking up plots and characters in my little stories and would prefer this to a Disney movie or a bedtime story anytime if I was given half the chance.

Now, let's not make it sound like I did nothing but fantasize all day long ;) I had many friends, I played hide and seek, I went to amusement parks, I played with my toys and acted just like any normal little kid would do as well - just to get that straight!

What about later on?

Once I began realising that boys weren't as annoying and uninteresting as I had initially thought, my spanking fetish went away for a little while. I was focused on being a teenager, I trained martial arts a lot, I starting going out with my friends, went to parties...etc

Once I began high school, the fantasies returned with full force. I searched on the internet and read all about domestic discipline, spanking, bondage, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism...and I knew then and there that I belonged to a sexual minority. My research continued and I started chatting with others who had the same interests. I exchanged stories and fantasies, I wrote letters...but I was still too young to meet up with anybody I felt and I couldn't join BDSM clubs before turning 18.

I still dated of course...and I was happy, in love, had boyfriends, flirted, was interested in school and had fun like everybody else.

I did feel that there was something missing from my relationships in a sexual aspect though! I was turned on by my boyfriends and of course I wanted the intimacy...but I found it to be so very very very dull and mechanic in the long run. I wanted to explore, to seduce, to take riscs with my latent exhibitionism and more than anything I wanted to include dominance in our relationship...and especially spanking! I slowly "smuggled" bondagerobe and tawses inside the bedroom and tried to seduce my boyfriend into taking control over me. I was a lot more experieced and a lot more assertive than he at that point though, so it ended up with me topping...and to my surprise, I absolutely loved being the one in control as well. He was absolutely repulsed by the thought of bringing anything painful into our relationship and even proclaimed that spanking and the like was sick and deviant.

I lost most of my interest in him after that. Not because I didn't have feelings for him, but desperately trying to keep things strictly vanilla while pushing away my own absolutely glorious fantasies to satisfy his need to be utterly boring and decent, didn't do a lot of good in our relationship.

To make a very long story short(er), we split up in the end and I wrote a profile on a datingsite called "scor" in Denmark. I was contacted by an insaaaaaane number of nasty men who sent pictures of their genitals to me, wanted to strangle me or organise gangbang-rape scenes with me as the recipient. Suffice to say that I turned them all down and I was almost annoyed that when I FINALLY was ready to come out of my closet, only sick people seemed to notice. I did get some very nice letters, but none of them were "just right".

Then the day came when...

A Sadistic/Dominant BDSM couple contacted me. The man in the relationship had written one of the most eloquent and exciting letters I had ever recieved in my life. We talked a bit, decided to meet...and all of a sudden I was involved in a sadomasochistic threesome that lasted almost a year.

We didn't play a lot with "spanking" as a genre on its own. It was incorporated into a multifacetted world of kink and I was introduced to everything from needleplay, bondage, fireplay, violet wands, wax play, bondage....and so on. That way I found out that my turn ons as a masochist are vast eventhough I have a special love for oldfashioned spanking.

The relationship ended when I had to move to another part of the country to commence my studies. We are still very close friends and we often see eachother and keep in contact.

At the beginning of our relationship, I was introduced to the Danish BDSM scene. I became (and still am) a member of the BDSM association called SMil as well the fetish scene, Manifest.

Also I embraced my own dominant side...but that's another story all together and must be written in another blogarticle.