To Switch or not to Switch

How did I find out that I wanted to be dominant as well?

Those who know me, know that I am no push-over in any way. I have my own opinions, I am stubborn, I want things to be done my way and it is natural for me to automatically want to be "the leader" when working in a group...

But from being somewhat dominant in one's everyday life and to want to be sexually dominant as well, there's a big step.

I had my first experiences as a "Top" with a vanilla ex-boyfriend of mine. I mentioned a little about that in a previous post, so I will not repeat myself too much. Suffice to say that it was more or less only "verbal" dominance, a little innocent bondage and very VERY softcore erotic pain stimulation.

Later on, during the time when I was involved with the married couple (also described previously), I felt an irrisistable urge to dominate and unfold my latent sadistic fantasies myself. I spoke with them about this need I had and we decided to find a suitable "victim" together...which we did fairly quickly as this couple had been in the BDSM scene for ages and had many interesting contacts.

They mentored me on different techniques, safety, toys...and the rest I basically already knew from experiences on my own body. At first we played together...then they pulled more and more out of the game, leaving the hot little masochist for me alone :D What a thrill it was!!! Before me was a willing person...excited and eagerly accepting my every wish and enduring/enjoying my mean little fantasies. I learned a lot about my own sexuality those times and I am still honored that my little play-slut gave me the beautiful gift of true submission for the very first time.

After "breaking up" with this wonderful couple, who I still see socially, I explored my newfound interest in dominance with me on the "giving end". I found a boyfriend who was both submissive and masochistic and we had a great time together and a very gratifying relationship.

Wait a sec...that hasn't a lot to do with spanking?!

No, not a lot to do with spanking in itself.

Denmark hasn't got the same "tradition" for oldfashioned D/s spanking relationships. There are lots and lots of BDSM couples, but very few (!!!!!) couples who only enjoy the act of spanking. To be honest, I wouldn't be able to have a spanking-only relationship as a Domme. There are so many aspects that turn me on in the BDSM genre and I am not sure that I would want to be without them... in the long run at least.

Weakness for forced feminisation

Before all of you Doms out there run screamning away, let me ad that I only like subs to dress up as sissygirls. I would never be able to get turned on by a transvestite trying to dominate me...Sorry, it's just not my cup of tea.

There is something immensely humiliating and exciting about punishing a grown man...dressed up like a little girl. I love to force her to shave (and I never do "forget" to call him "her" when trannied up) all over, inspecting her to my satisfaction, helping her apply makeup...forcing her out in town with me to go shopping...

And well...There are lots of things I enjoy doing to sissygirls that aren't as innocent as that also ;)

"Mirror-turn-ons"

I think that my turn ons as a Top and as bottom are very much alike. The same "games" fascinate me and there really isn't that big a difference.

I certainly use bondage a lot more when Topping, as I like the fact that my partner is utterly helpless and in my complete command. As a bottom, I don't really like bondage...it seems too stationary and I seldomly want to give up that much control.

Humiliation (not the mean kind though - I am always very caring, even when I'm being "mean") is something I like to use a lot too...but that I don't always enjoy being on the recieving end of.

Other than that, I like the use of the same toys and implements and a lot of the same fantasies go through my mind.

How can I use the same fantasies on both sides?

It is not as if I fantasize "twice as much" in order to cover both needs ;) Curiously, my fantasies often don't have "faces". I can thus imagine myself as both the "torturer" and "the victim".

Before having come out of the closet so to say, I sometimes indulged in selfspanking as well (although very rarely). I would actually be turned on by both the fact that I did the spanking...and the fact that I recieved it. It may sound a little skitzophrenic, but it did work and that's what matters after all.

Dominating girls...

I discovered my bisexuality a long time ago. The female body has always fascinated me...if looking at two greek statues, one female and one male, I would in fact almost always prefer the female. The curves and build of the body is absolutely beautiful! I'm not saying men aren't though ;) It's just a different kind of beautiful.

Even so, I could not imagine myself being in a lesbian relationship. My attraction to other women is mainly sexual and I have only had a crush on another girl once in my life.

I prefer Topping in general when it comes to women. Who wouldn't want to Top when the price is getting to spank a wonderfully bouncy full female bottom?! There is also something about female subs that I generally adore. I LOVE blushing young ladies and I LOVE taking advantage of this shyness.

To Switch or not to Switch...which side do I ultimately prefer?

Don't ask that, please! I honestly don't know. I am always turned on 100% in whatever "role" (in lack of better term) that I'm in. I am not the type to switch every five minutes and in fact, I prefer not to switch with the same partner at all - although I have enjoyed this from time to time if the other Switch is very strong as a dominant.

Usually though, I am perfectly satisfied in whatever role I'm in as my turn ons are vast and intense either way.

A few pictures from sweet memories...

Top: Suspension bondage of (fantastic) female sub, head down, mummified.

Middle: From a wonderful trip in Sweeden. Beautiful sweet girl - an honour to have had the pleasure of her submission.

Bottom: Same girl as the middle pic. Bound out in the snow...Very very cold...I had many sweet little pleas to be let inside - and a great time in front of the fireplace afterwards.

Various pictures

This blog-thing is entirely new to me, therefore I will just upload a few pictures without writing a novel-lenght explanation to go with them for now.

The black and white ones are from quite a large series that I shot with a Domme whom I hold very dear to my heart.

Once upon a time...

Spanked as a child?

Very rarely! If I had been exceptionally misbehaved, my mother would grab arm, turn me around and administer a single hard swat on my backside while she lectured me. That's it! No canings, no standing in the corner, no being spanked repeatedly until I cried, no use of implements and no clear rules of when a spanking was earned.

I guess I could call my mother the surprise-attack kind of spanker. Sometimes she would let me get away with anything, sometimes she would get very angry at me and send me to my room, sometimes she would threaten me by saying that I would get spanked but without doing anything about it, sometimes she would just laugh at me when I charmed my way out of the trouble and of course, SOMETIMES she grab me by surprise and swat me. It did the trick... I did cry when she ambushed me that way, but mostly out of surprise.

It has happened so rarely that I can only remember a very few times and when I was spanked, it was in no way a "sexual" experience for me (thank God)!

However, I must have sexualised spankings at some point anyway. Whether it has to do with those very very very few spankings or something else entirely, I do not know. I grew up in a very loving family and I adore both of my parents, so there is absolutely no traumatic cliché-happenings there.

Does it matter where this obsession came from?

Not unless it becomes a problem or if it is something that you are unhappy about, in my point of view. I LOVE my sexuality and I LOVE spankings. I intend to enjoy this "hobby" of mine to the fullest without giving a rat's behind about where it came from.

When did my spankingfetish start?

Waaaay back when I was little. I remember playing spanking with my dolls and teddybears... Even back then I knew it was something I should "keep to myself", something that was naughty and something that tickled my fancy pleasantly when I played my little secret games. Thus, it was always something I did behind closed doors and I never involved my friends in these games either as I somehow knew it was taboo.

Later on, the fantasies became more and more elaborate and I made up entire story lines and little worlds in my mind. I could often spend hours on my own thinking up plots and characters in my little stories and would prefer this to a Disney movie or a bedtime story anytime if I was given half the chance.

Now, let's not make it sound like I did nothing but fantasize all day long ;) I had many friends, I played hide and seek, I went to amusement parks, I played with my toys and acted just like any normal little kid would do as well - just to get that straight!

What about later on?

Once I began realising that boys weren't as annoying and uninteresting as I had initially thought, my spanking fetish went away for a little while. I was focused on being a teenager, I trained martial arts a lot, I starting going out with my friends, went to parties...etc

Once I began high school, the fantasies returned with full force. I searched on the internet and read all about domestic discipline, spanking, bondage, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism...and I knew then and there that I belonged to a sexual minority. My research continued and I started chatting with others who had the same interests. I exchanged stories and fantasies, I wrote letters...but I was still too young to meet up with anybody I felt and I couldn't join BDSM clubs before turning 18.

I still dated of course...and I was happy, in love, had boyfriends, flirted, was interested in school and had fun like everybody else.

I did feel that there was something missing from my relationships in a sexual aspect though! I was turned on by my boyfriends and of course I wanted the intimacy...but I found it to be so very very very dull and mechanic in the long run. I wanted to explore, to seduce, to take riscs with my latent exhibitionism and more than anything I wanted to include dominance in our relationship...and especially spanking! I slowly "smuggled" bondagerobe and tawses inside the bedroom and tried to seduce my boyfriend into taking control over me. I was a lot more experieced and a lot more assertive than he at that point though, so it ended up with me topping...and to my surprise, I absolutely loved being the one in control as well. He was absolutely repulsed by the thought of bringing anything painful into our relationship and even proclaimed that spanking and the like was sick and deviant.

I lost most of my interest in him after that. Not because I didn't have feelings for him, but desperately trying to keep things strictly vanilla while pushing away my own absolutely glorious fantasies to satisfy his need to be utterly boring and decent, didn't do a lot of good in our relationship.

To make a very long story short(er), we split up in the end and I wrote a profile on a datingsite called "scor" in Denmark. I was contacted by an insaaaaaane number of nasty men who sent pictures of their genitals to me, wanted to strangle me or organise gangbang-rape scenes with me as the recipient. Suffice to say that I turned them all down and I was almost annoyed that when I FINALLY was ready to come out of my closet, only sick people seemed to notice. I did get some very nice letters, but none of them were "just right".

Then the day came when...

A Sadistic/Dominant BDSM couple contacted me. The man in the relationship had written one of the most eloquent and exciting letters I had ever recieved in my life. We talked a bit, decided to meet...and all of a sudden I was involved in a sadomasochistic threesome that lasted almost a year.

We didn't play a lot with "spanking" as a genre on its own. It was incorporated into a multifacetted world of kink and I was introduced to everything from needleplay, bondage, fireplay, violet wands, wax play, bondage....and so on. That way I found out that my turn ons as a masochist are vast eventhough I have a special love for oldfashioned spanking.

The relationship ended when I had to move to another part of the country to commence my studies. We are still very close friends and we often see eachother and keep in contact.

At the beginning of our relationship, I was introduced to the Danish BDSM scene. I became (and still am) a member of the BDSM association called SMil as well the fetish scene, Manifest.

Also I embraced my own dominant side...but that's another story all together and must be written in another blogarticle.